Hey gang. Well, I wanted to do one of these sooner considering how popular this game is, but I’ve been preoccupied for much of this week, and am only getting around to it now.
My intent with this player’s guide is not to provide a step by step instruction manual on how to beat the first mission of Gigolo Assassin. You can go elsewhere on the internets to find that kind of walkthrough.
Personally, I just don’t like writing that kind of a walkthrough, and much prefer hintthroughs. First, because i think just giving you the answer ruins the game, and second because writing a hintthrough is far more challenging.
So, without any further ado…
There are many puzzles to be solved, but in general, this game can be broken down into general sections where each puzzle is a smaller portion of achieving a greater task. I have broken this player’s guide up in these sections, providing them with inappropriate titles as would be fitting for the game.
In each section I will not hold your hand, but instead nudge you through the game. So let’s begin.
Prologue: A Gigolo Assassin Is Born
Before we can even start our mission, there are a few things that need to be taken care of first. For instance, we’ll need to choose a name for our Gigolo.
Now, with name firmly in place, we can learn a little more about our family history and our secret lair. This is the in game tutorial section, and it is highly recommended that you follow all instructions in order to get a grasp on how the mechanics of the game works.
Talking to your dad sets you up with your very first task in the game; picking up the remote and giving it to him. Upon being shown the remote, however, your father will insist that you use the remote on various things in the spy hideout.
Thus, we get our first glimpse at using an item. Simply click on the “use” icon, and then we will click on the remote control in our inventory. If you’ve done it right, you will see an incomplete sentence that says, “use remote with”.
Now, all you have to do is click on something that catches your interest. Your father will give you a few ideas of what to try the remote on, but you’ll have to discover a few others yourself in order to fully reveal all of the amenities in the super secret spy lair and continue on with your quest.
Here’s a hint, though: look for the sparklies.
Now, with your lair fully revealed, your father will congratulate you, and if you so desire, you can ask him more about what all is going on. If not, it’s time to start your mission.
You will notice a computer screen behind you; this is your mission selector. As of the time of this writing, there is only one mission available, and it should be already on screen. If you fiddled with the buttons a little bit, all you need to do is push the red button to get it back on the right screen.
With the right mission selected, we can head on out of here… but how?
See that big round thing in the middle? Look at it. Yes, it’s a launch pad. Maybe we should use it, yes?
And away we go.
Chapter 1: Deeper in the Bushes
Your jetpack drops you off on Copperhead Beach where your task is to “take out Alana Lamia”. Not a lot of help there, is there?
Well, first things first, you might as well explore your new surroundings and try and make some headway of things. You can go either right or left, it doesn’t matter, but for the sake of things, we’re going to start off going left first.
In the very next screen we see a pirate ship, complete with a couple of pirates and a treasure chest. Go on and look around and pick up what you can.
There’s a lot to see here, but not a whole lot you can actually take with you. Since you don’t have a key, you can’t open up the chest, and there’s no way you can get the weird looking machine for now, but you can try and get the skeleton’s sword, and the shiny rock lying on the beach. After all, it won’t do being a Gigolo Assassin without at least some sort of weapon, would it?
Unfortunately, the sword is so damaged all you get is the hilt. With the hilt and the rock in your inventory (try not to think of where, exactly, you are storing these things), you can move on.
Now, it looks as though you can only go back to the right, but there is actually a way to exit that is somewhere around the center-left of the screen. This handy little short cut lets you wrap around to the other side of the island where we find…
A little pier and a very happy and energetic little fish. Interesting. Look around and experiment if you will, but for now, we’re just going to keep on moving on to the left.
Ah-ha! These must be the survivors of the shipwreck we came across earlier. Before we talk to them, we might want to take a quick look around. You’ll notice there’s Captain Crotch, Atrocious Dogbreath, a campfire, and Atrocious’ sword arm.
Now, before we talk to them, let’s finish our investigation of the island.
One screen to the left of that is what looks like an entrance into the jungle, but it’s blocked up by a mess of tangled up vines, and beyond that is a single tree that is described as flexible enough to be bent back if you had the right tool.
Okay, so we have a list of things that we want to do: We want to get that weird machine, and we want to open up the treasure chest and we want to open up that entrance into the jungle.
Now, we’re probably not going to get to the chest or the machine right away, but let’s see if we can’t get into the jungle, shall we?
What’s blocking our way? Vines. We need something to cut those down, but our broken sword just won’t hack it, but did you see where there was something that could do the job?
Yeah, me too.
Let’s go back and talk to the pirates.
Exhausting all lines of conversation (which can take a while), we learn some interesting things.
-The pirates stole the machine off of a research vessel.
-Attrocious Dogbreath won’t give up Bessie, his sword arm, unless he has a new best friend to replace it.
Trying to get Dogbreath a new friend seems like our next best course of action. But where? Where on this island does there seem to be something or someone that could serve as a new friend for the smelly pirate?
You know, something happy, and energetic, something that Dogbreath could love.
Oh, that fish you say? Well, let’s try it out. But how do we get the fish?
Just picking up the fish will do you no good; it’s just too slippery and moves too quickly. Hmmmm… What can we do to slow him down a little bit?
If only you had something that was good for throwing…
You know, something like a rock…
Oh, hey, you do have a good rock for throwing.
Try using that rock on the fish and…
So we killed the fish. On the upside, Dogbreath doesn’t appear to be smart enough to know, so maybe we can fake him out. Go on and try giving the fish to him.
Well, he seemed a rather understanding chap for a pirate, didn’t he? Okay, so we have the blade, but it still won’t cut through the vines because… That’s right, we need a good grip.
Try using the blade on the hilt and THEN cut open the vines, and voila, we are in.
Note that not only do you clear a path, but you also get some vines in your inventory as well.
Wow, definitely a lot going on here. A dancing monkey, a temple door, we should probably try and figure out a way to get in that, and a very very crazy looking man.
Go on and talk to him.
You will learn a few important things from the man.
-He wants you to bring him the head of the last monkey on the island.
-The monkey won’t go near him now meaning you will need to set up a trap somewhere else on the island.
-Monkey’s like the scent of berries.
Monkey’s like berries. Well, if they like the berries, we might want to take some with us before we even bother starting off with the monkey hunt, so go ahead an pick up the bunch of berries off to the right, and let’s head on out of here.
Now, you’ll notice the monkey just running off he edge of the screen. Pay attention to this because not only do we need to understand this now, but something very similar will happen later on.
The basics are simple. When you are chasing someone or something, it will always just leave the screen you are approaching from, or, in other words it will always be running away from you.
Now, to catch that monkey.
If you watched as many Saturday Morning cartoons as I have, the idea on how to catch the monkey should come almost instantly to you. If not, read on.
If we head left one screen from the jungle entrance, we see that same tree again. Remember, it will bend back if we have the right tool, but do we have anything in our inventory that can be considered the right tool?
Well, what about the vines? That should work, right?
And look at that. Using the vines on the tree creates… well… it creats a little monkey trap. But it’s missing something, isn’t it?
All good traps need a little bait. Remember what the crazy old man said, monkeys love the smell of berries, and hey, we just happened to pick up a bunch of them while we were still in the jungle. So let’s use the berries on the trap.
Sweet, we now have a perfect monkey trap, but no monkey.
Remember what I told you, you have to chase the monkey into the screen, which means we have to leave the screen and come back.
UH OH! Where’d the monkey go????
And all we get are these coconuts. With no monkey, how on earth are we supposed to get the crazy old man to help us?
Well, he said he wanted the HEAD of a monkey, and how would you describe such a thing. Round, hard, fuzzy…
Anything else we could possibly get that might fool the old man? Anything else that is round, hard and fuzzy…
Wait a minute…
How about a coconut?
Let’s get one of the coconuts and see if it works…
And, as it turns out, giving the coconut to the crazy blind man does work, and to thank you for your troubles, he gives you a very peculiarly shaped daimond!
Now, let’s see, where can we use this daimond to further our progress. Let’s inspect that temple again, shall we? That door has a curiously familiar shape etched into it, doesn’t it?
Maybe the daimond will fit there!
And it does, awakening one of the stone idols at the temple entrance. Let’s see if we can talk to it.
Talking to the temple idol will result in you being asked a series of questions. In either case, you should be able to eventually come up with the right answers by process of elimination. There’s no real penalty for guessing wrong, so keep trying until you get them right, and once you do, you are granted entrance to both the temple, and the second chapter of this player’s guide.
Chapter 2: Going down… I mean up! UP!
Strange. This ancient temple looks curiously like a swinging dance club with a very poor male to female ratio (if you are a male that is… Things aren’t looking too much better if you are a female either, as the men in here all look strangely similar and don’t seem particularly exciting).
So let’s take a quick look around, shall we?
Off to the right you’ll find the restrooms… nothing of particular interest here, at least for now.
heading back left you see the dance floor, complete with hula dancers, the strangely similar men, and a bouncer guarding a lift. I’ll wager we need to find our way onto that lift somehow. Unfortunately, no matter what we tell the bouncer, he just won’t let us pass. In fact, the only person he seems inclined to allow to go upstairs is the waiter, but where is the waiter?
Ah, the sacrificial corridor, as cheerful a place as any as I’ve seen. Here there are six levers and a waiter who looks a little distressed. When we talk to him, we find out what is the matter.
He hates his job, and what makes matters worse, the chef locked him out of the kitchen, and he’s forgotten the right lever sequence to open it back up. His guests know, but he’s too embarrassed to go ask them, and so we must do it for him.
Shall we help him? Maybe… if we can somehow convince the waiter to lend us his uniform we can trick the bouncer into letting us onto the lift, so yeah, let’s help the waiter and maybe we can get him to help us up the lift.
So we need to go talk to the guests to find out the right lever sequence. Now, this will be important later on. In a lot of adventure games, when you see multiple people talking, talking to one often is taken as talking to the group as a whole.
Not in this one.
You must talk to each of the bowlheaded guys individually in order to get the clues needed to operate the switches.
Here they are:
-The switch closest to the door must stay down to lock it (in other words, we need to make sure that switch is UP)
-Second switch on the right is UP
-To get into the kitchen more than three (that is FOUR) switches must be down.
From this, we should be able to deduce that ONLY the furthest left switch, and the second switch from the right should be UP, the rest DOWN and that should do the trick.
And now we are admitted to the kitchen. Enis the waiter does not stay in the kitchen, but he does enter it every time you enter it. Let’s talk to him. For some reason he doesn’t seem to want to be as helpful as we hoped, but if we talk to him enough, we learn one thing… Just the SMELL of coconut makes him want to vomit.
Now, if only we can use this to our advantage.
Well, when we talk to the witch doctor, i think we see two birds forming that can be killed with just one stone.
Enis wants to vomit whenever he smells coconut, and the Witch Doctor wants something nice and skull like to smash to bits.
If we can just find a coconut, we should be able to make Enis hurl and make the Witch Doctor happy at the same time!
Let’s go back out to the beach and see if we can’t get another coconut. When we bring the Witch Doctor the coconut, he’s pleased, but unfortunately he can’t just pour the juice in your hands. You need a cup. Luckily, you’re in a kitchen, so you should be able to find a cup somewhere that you can use.
(hint: there’s a rather nice cup dead center and up a little)
Now we hand him the coconut and then the cup, and we now have coconut juice. This doesn’t seem to be handy for the Witch Doctor, but at least we should be able to give Enis a rough time. If he’s still in the kitchen, go ahead and give it to him, if not, leave and come back in, he’ll have returned.
Whoa! There’s only one place that someone who has turned THAT shade of green is going in a hurry, and I guarantee you it ain’t the dance floor. Let’s head on over to the restroom!
Well, there he is, let’s go talk to him, and see how he’s doing.
Oi! If that’s how we “help” people, remind me never to ask for my own help. But at least we finally have the waiter uniform now, so let’s see if we can’t get past that bouncer now. With the uniform on you should be at least a little better prepared to pass yourself off as the waiter.
But the bouncer still doesn’t buy it. Oh well, we tried.
With a hand little bit of fisticuffs, the elevator is now ours, as is the next part of the walkthrough.
Chapter 3: There’s a Party in my Temple and Everyone’s Coming!
Will the obstacles never cease? No sooner do we get rid of that pesky bodyguard when we find Princess Pussycat in our way. She doesn’t look all that formidable, but the massive tiger lying next to her does.
Thankfully, Princess is actually pretty easy to get passed. Just keep talking to her, eventually she, like all women, will succumb to your charm!
There’s a great deal of conversation you can have with her, though, so just keep trying, trust me.
Eventually she will let you pass, bringing you to…
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNN!
Now that it’s you and the super villain, it’s time to get to brass tacks and talk to her. Go ahead and say whatever you want. No matter what you choose, the result will be the same, and you will be granted your first task. You must throw together a party for Alana Lamia.
In order to do so, you have to pretty much talk to everyone that you see and try to convince them, and in your discussion with Lamia, you got your starting point; the Hula Girls.
Only problem is, much like Alana herself, they just don’t take you seriously. Why on Earth not? What’s wrong, you’re still the hottest piece of man meat on the planet can’t they see that…
I suppose you might be a little hard to recognize, what with the disguise and all.
So the first order of business I suppose might be to give Enis his clothes back, and hey, he might just agree to go to our party because we were swell enough to do so.
And by apologizing and returning Enis’ clothes to him, you do get your first guest, and a little banner informs you that you need to get seven more. Let’s head back to the dance floor.
After talking to everyone in the dance hall, you will have only three more guests left that you need to invite, and they are going to be a little bit trickier.
But who’s left on the island?
Princess Pussycat won’t be on the list.
There’s the crazy old blind man, but we better not even bother with him, there’s no telling how bad he could muck up the works.
Which leaves us with the Witch Doctor, and the Pirates. Yeah, that should round off the guest list quite nicely.
So, since we’re still in the temple, let’s go see what the Witch Doctor has to say.
He WANTS to go to the party, but will only go if he has his party mask. Problem is, he doesn’t know where it is. He THINKS Enis took it, but if we pry a little more info out of him, it turns out that he got in a minor tiff with Pussycat over him trying to kill her tiger. She swore to hide his mask from him where he would never find it.
He also gives you a screw driver that Enis claims to use for regular maintenance.
Further, the Witch Doctor mentions something about being pestered whilst on the can.
Pussycat herself doesn’t give us new information, so we’ll have to run with the Enis story. We get a screwdrive, regular maintenance, and being bothered whilst in the restroom.
So where do you think we should go?
I’m going to guess the restroom, and if you look carefully, there should be something that blatantly jumps out at you that a screwdriver should be able to help us with.
The ventilation system.
And look at that. We found the party mask and one more guest for our party when we give it to the Witch Doctor.
Now onto the pirates.
They too want to come to the party, but there’s a problem. They won’t go without music, the guitar that would produce such music being locked in the treasure chest, the key to which is apparently resting in Pussycat’s tiger’s stomach.
So, we need to find a way to get the tiger to… ahem… cough up the key.
How are we going to do that?
Well, it would seem the easiest way to get the tiger to dispense with the key would be to make it eat something so nasty that it has no alternative to empty itself of all the contents in its stomach. But what on this island could be so rancid as to do that?
Wait a minute.
Is Dogbreath cooking the fish we tempted the wrath of the Island gods to get for him? And did he totally burn it?
Let’s talk to him about that, shall we?
And there we go, a nice, or, not so nice, actually putrid fish.
You thinking what I’m thinking?
Using the fish on the tiger gives us the key. The key can be used on the treasure chest, which gives us the guitar, and giving the guitar gives us our final two guests to our party.
You enjoy the party whilst I head on over to the final part of the walkthrough.
Chapter 4: My Lady Only Needs Three Things to be Satisfied
When all the partying is done and over with, you will eventually be tasked by Alana to find for her the three secrets of the temple. Human essence in its purest form, raw building blocks, and the power source of the temple.
We’re going to do these one by one in the order of my choosing. This will not be the fastest way of doing things, but that’s because we’re doing a hint through. I’ll discuss this more later.
1) RAW BUILDING BLOCKS
When asked, Lamia explains that the raw building material is TUNA which should be plentiful in the sea. Unfortunately, you killed the guardian, meaning that there is no TUNA to be had. Also, you’ve already given the other fish, the guardian fish, to the tiger, rendering it useless. So where are we going to get some fish?
A quick pass by Pussycat’s room reveals that the tiger is out on its nightly prowl about the island. Also, if you look very carefully, you’ll notice a box of fish that is used as Muffin’s food. Hmm… I bet that would work, but how to get Pussycat to abandon her post?
Well, Pussycat cares more for her tiger than anything else in the world, which means that if we were to, somehow, get her to worry a great deal about her tiger, put the tiger in distress, so to speak, she would have no choice but to leave and go save Muffin.
Alright, so it’s not a plan, but it’s a rough sketch, alright?
Finding the tiger shouldn’t be hard. As it turns out, he’s hanging out right there on the beach, and he looks mad. No it’s no good trying to do anything with the tiger when it is likely to eat us for our efforts.
What we need is something that will even the ground between us, so to speak. Maybe even make the tiger afraid of us.
Now, I remember that when we talked to Pussycat and the Witch Doctor, the tiger was afraid of the Witch Doctor’s party mask, but he’s wearing it, and we need to find a way to get his old mask back to him somehow.
But where is his old mask? He changed in the kitchen, so let’s look there.
No mask is just laying about, but there is an empty bag and a saw. Hmm… Let’s take them both.
Still, that mask just HAS to be lying around here somewhere. Where could he have put it? Maybe in one of the cupboards? Sounds like a good idea, but we can’t seem to open them with our bare hands.
They are made out of wood, though, and we do have this handy saw. So maybe if we used the saw on the cupboards…
And there we go, in one of the cupboards (third from the left) we find the Witch Doctor’s normal mask. We can use that on the Witch Doctor to get his party mask, and use the party mask on the Tiger to give us free roaming priveleges over the island.
So we have the tiger on the move, just like the monkey before. Only this time, I don’t think that the same stupid little rope trap is going to work. We need something bigger. Hmmm… Where can we chase the tiger that would put him in dire straits and thus give Pussycat a reason to abandon her post?
Well, if we keep chasing Muffin off to the right, he climbs up on the pier and stays there. Now, if we can only alter the pier so that it can’t hold his weight anymore…
You know, it’s just crazy enough to work!
But we have to approach the pier screen from the opposite side or else the tiger will just keep landing on the pier. So, coming at the pier from the pirate ship screen, we are now free to do what we like with the pier. But what?
Well, between an empty back and a SAW which do you think will be more handy in sabotaging a pier?
If you guessed the empty bag, why don’t you take another guess?
Okay, so we have the pier rigged, all we have to do is chase Muffin onto it and… BOOYAH! Tiger in distress. Let’s go tell Pussycat.
With Pussycat off to save her muffin, you are free to take the box of kitty food, and we are off to obtain the next item.
2. The Temple’s Power Source
Lamia gives us a hint here that says that the three snakes must wash away our sins, right, left, middle.
What on earth could she mean?
Well, it probably has something to do with water, as in wash. And snakes, three of them, lined up side by side (right left middle) and sins… hmmm…
Well, the only thing I can think of that puts snakes and water next to each other in this place is the restroom, so let’s check it out.
And lo and behold, three snakes and if we were to take “sin” as a euphamism for poop. Well, this puzzle just about solves itself, doesn’t it?
NOTE: This is one of two puzzles in the game where the solution isn’t properly hinted at elsewhere in the game. Lamia tells you right left middle, and you’ll want to flush the toilets in that order, but the sequence is not complete until you flush the middle one a second time. So the real order is; right, left, middle, middle.
Well, that was interesting… a little toilet seat dance, but outside of that, nothing to speak of.
Oh well, let’s leave the restroom and make our way to the dance floor and hey, was there a door there before? Probably not, let’s go check it out.
That must be the jeweled egg that Lamia spoke of, but every time we try and take it, the door shuts on us. Whenever we put the egg back, the door opens up. So what we need is something that we can put in the egg’s place that is as heavy as the egg.
Well, we have a bag, I’m sure we can fill it with something, so let’s go search the island for something to put in the bag.
If we investigate, for instance, the pirate’s campfire that is now abandoned, we find that all that is left is a bunch of soot.
Maybe, if we put enough soot in the bag, it’ll do the trick. (Note: for brevity sake, I’ll help you out here too. You must use the bag on the soot TWICE to make the bag completely full)
Now, with a full bag of soot, we can get the egg, put the sack in its place, and we have only one item left to get.
3. Pure human essence.
Talking to Lamia, she reveals that a science ship was supposed to be delivering something that would help her reap pure human essence. Unfortunately for them, we know what happened, don’t we?
Cap’n Crotch and company waylaid the ship and stole the machine for themselves. Tragically, they strapped the machine all the way up in the crow’s nest, meaning we need to bring it down some way.
Now, if we still had the saw, I suppose we could just hack the ship down, but unfortunately, the saw is long gone by now, and besides, I’m sure using the saw would take forever.
But, if there was a short cut, like, maybe a bomb or something. But to build a bomb you need the explosive, a fuse, and something to light them don’t you? Nothing like that could possibly be on the island, could it?
Well, if we go back to the pirate’s campfire, we find that there’s a full keg of kerosene (because, it’s dead useful). So that can be our explosive. Our fuse… well… the only place I saw paper of any kind was back in the restroom.
Maybe we can use some toilet paper to make a kind of homemade fuse. Which just leaves us with fire.
No matches or lighters to speak of, but back in the temple there are plenty of torches. Unfortunately, they’re all affixed to the walls, and we don’t have the saw anymore to saw anymore wood.
Where are we going to get a torch?
Wait a minute? Didn’t Cap’n Crotch have a peg leg? Yes, I know, it’s a dreadfully nasty thing to do someone, but this is for the sake of saving the world (or ruining it, I’m not sure which at this point), and besides, I’m sure he can get another peg leg. Don’t forget to light it, though, on any torch you may pass on your way.
So, with the ingredients for a bomb in hand, you can now blow up the pirate ship and get to that machine.
Use the kerosene on the ship, the tp on the kerosene, and then the torch on the fuse, and boom, you now have the machine in your posession.
It’s too heavy to carry, but hey, why not just use the machine yourself, after all, you’re as close to a perfect human specimen anyway!
Now, I don’t even want to know what you did to the machine, but you now have the final ingredient Lamia asked for.
From here it should be pretty obvious what you have to do. Take the three ingredients to Lamia’s room, put them in the snake mouths, and enjoy the final sequence.
Well, that’s about it. If you followed this walkthrough, you should get… well, you should get an F, but you also now know how to solve all the puzzles and should be able to stream line your play through to get a higher grade the next time.
Hope this helps.