Gigolo Assassin


From the makers of Alan Probe comes this utterly crude and thoroughly enjoyable point and click adventure.  If I were to characterize this whole game in one sentence that would have to be: Moosh Larry Laffer together with Alan Probe and use a spoon made out of pure awesome to make sure everything is thoroughly mixed and you MIGHT have an idea what’s in store for you.

You play a shameless gigolo with a penchant for tuxedo jackets and a nice breeze around the nether regions when all of a sudden you are summoned by the world’s leaders in an attempt to put an end to the nefarious machinations of “The Sisterhood”.

Why a Gigolo?  Because with the your superior prowess of being a damn sexy man, you can get people to relax around you, and thusly set them up for the big kill.

At least, that’s how things are supposed to go.  Standing in your way of achieving this would be a tidal wave of puzzles and, well, your character’s relatively substandard competence.

After being given your mission, your banana hammock clad father reveals that there is more to being a Gigolo than awesome pick up lines and sweet… um… lower body garments, revealing your gigolo training grounds to also be a secret super spy lair.

From there you ride a jet pack (A JET PACK!) to a lonely tropical island where you must hunt down and stop Alana Lamia with nothing but your puzzle solving capabilities, and an ability to party all night long.

To be perfectly honest, Gigolo Assassin took me by surprise in more ways than one.  Of course I was pleased to see the already familiar artwork and dark humor we’ve grown accustomed to in the Alan Probe series, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Simply put, GA doesn’t skimp, and your first play through could take a while.  You are assaulted with plenty of puzzles, but thankfully, none are so hard that you will want to quit in frustration, and thankfully you are usually not presented with much more than one at a time, preventing from such drags like item overload.

And yet they aren’t TOO easy so as to make the game hardly worth the effort.

In fact, there are few things to criticize this game for.  Navigation could have been a little bit easier (there are a few places where just moving on to the next screen can feel like pixel hunting).  But the biggest criticism has to be dialogue negotiation which, in order to see all branches of conversation played out you have to start from the beginning each time.

We’ve long since passed the time when it’s acceptable to go back to a list of potential queries as opposed to having to start over again, and it’s a little disappointing that Assassin doesn’t seem to pick up on this.

But outside of these, Gigolo is an absolute blast, and a great way to kill an afternoon.  Even better, just like Alan Probe, there are two other chapters that have yet to be made available!

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