Okay, I’m finally here to respond to your review, for which I thank you very much.

Also, thank you for the Tolkein bit. A little trivia, The Hobbit was the first novel I ever read… somewhere between the age of three and six, I can’t remember anymore. To this day it remains one of my favorite books.

On the other hand, I have yet to actually make it through the Lord of the Rings trilogy for exactly the reason you are getting at… He just gets way too deep on the description to the point where I’m just like, okay, get on with it already. It would be one thing if he was describing some really awesome and out there scenery, but he’ll spend three pages describing bracken.

Seriously.

Further, I specifically remember thinking as I wrote, please please please don’t let this be like Tolkein. Please don’t get too crazy with it, so I’m glad I succeeded.

I have a philosophy on detail, and I was discussing this with a friend of mine. If it’s exotic, than you go all out, describe everything and only hold back so much that you don’t burn an entire chapter doing nothing but describing. If it’s a unique enough setting, the description can be entertaining if you use the right language.

But if it’s mundane, pick out specific details, describe them, and then let the reader extrapolate from that.

For instance, if I were to describe the setting of a bus stop in a downtown metropolitan area, I would gloss over the skyline, give some detail about the sounds of honking horns or something, and then I would probably go all out on the bench for the bus stop.

Like:

The sounds of the city assaulted Chip’s ears; screaming kids, motors idling and gunning in concert, horns honking. It wasn’t a pretty sound, but in a way a comforting one to listen to all the same as he made his way to the bus stop.

He eyed the bench warily, the dull and dented aluminum frame flecked with decades of alien stains, the advertisement printed on the bench back now indescernable from the unintelligible array of graffiti sprayed over it–no real words there, nothing written any of the living languages we know of today, just layers of old gang tags that somehow superimposed over each other melded into a single mystical language of symbols like urban heiroglyphics (sp?).

He considered sitting down, but as he neared it the faint hints of urine and vomit that crept up his nose changed his mind; he would stand.

And that’s it, you don’t go any further into detail because from that right there the reader will see the cracked sidewalk, the cigarette butts littering the side of the street, the cars packed onto the street, etc.

ANYWAY.

And I’m glad you like the relationship so far, and there’s just not much more I can say about it really other than I’m really glad it’s going at about the right pace. Also, I’ll have to consider that idea for the epilogue. I think from the way their relationship is budding, that would be almost perfect now that you mention it.

Anyway, thanks for the review, and hope to see ya again soon. I intend to start on Chapter 8 on Monday.

On the upside. That project is finished, now I just have to get it uploaded and check to make sure that it’s clean, and I can move on.

Tomorrow, my goals while I’m at work.. Post some games, answer the review here, and start work on a Dirty Split walkthrough, breaking occasionally to play Ben There Dan That, which has been amazing and will probably be the game review I kick the week off with.

Have a good weekend, both of you. And for goodness sakes, Kyle, get some sleep! Jeesh, you and your sleep schedule. ugh I really wish I could go back to bed now and skip work. blah

Kim

But Lindsey also found her thoughts wondering to the boy sleeping only feet away from her. That should probably be wandering instead of wondering.

I can’t really find anything specific to comment on for this one. I like the way you have portrayed the naturally easy conversation between Lindsey and Trevor. I love the companion fruit and Trevor’s embarassment when he almost revealed the full legend about it. It is fairly obvious what it is from the context, as was surely your intent. I can totally identify with Lindsey’s apprehension towards her budding feelings toward Trevor. She’s feeling something new, and even has an inkling what it is, but is afraid to even entertain the notion. This just adds realism to the growing relationship. The conversation about the companion fruit also reveals that Trevor is slightly farther along towards accepting and acknowledging that same feeling. Very well done.

The Everywhere Town Tower; it serves no purpose and has a terrible name, but it’s awesome anyway. I can just picture Trevor building it and putting that on a plaque near the entrance. That would be fitting to put in the epilogue. Or perhaps, if future stories deal with different characters, someone could comment on the lameness of the plaque, even though the tower IS pretty awsome.

Overall, this was a very good chapter. You described the scenery wonderfully, giving the reader a vivid picture without going all Tolkein on us. (not sure if I spelled that name right)

Now I would like to add my unsolicited opinion on Ginzig’s question. I would have to agree with you advice 100%. Add to this the fact that it was a FIRST DATE, and you have at best, a guy who doesn’t know how to take things slow, or at worst, like you said, a guy who wants a woman who is willing to jump through hoops to earn his affections. The former could possibly be worked with, but the latter is likely best avoided.

Okay, let me answer your question first… Personal opinion, I think the whole song dedication thing is a ploy. I mean think about it, who really says, I’ve been waiting to find the right girl to dedicate this song to. And even if it isn’t a ploy, and the dude is being completely honest (which he isn’t, trust me. This is the kind of thing a dude might say if he wants to really appear deep or something), buying into something like that now puts you in a position where you now must curry his favor. You want to be that girl, right? Well, now you have to work for it.

In other words, that kind of puts you on the crappy end of the attraction stick. This kind of thing sounds like he’s not just trying to be attractive on certain level, but also that he’s going to make you jump through hoops so that you can be attractive to him.

I say bullshit, but even if it isn’t, treat it as such anyway.

As for this chapter, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m still having a blast writing this story, though if I had to take a pick, this was probably the shakiest so far. I’m getting into a kind of gray area here in that I’m starting to write parts of the story that aren’t perhaps quite as fleshed out as others. On the other hand, there are certain spots coming up that are vitally important, and I think in Port Town we’re going to meet some other interesting characters.

But for that you’ll have to wait for Chapter 8.

I love the description of the Golden Woods. Autumn is my favorite time of the year too. And I don’t even need to go into the reasons why because you covered them, eloquently! The smells, the tastes, the sights, all of it.

Loved the playfulness between Trevor and Lindsey. Oooh, Trevor’s is hiding something with the Companion Fruit. I have suspicions what that might be!!!! I can’t wait to find out!!!! In my experience, the only time someone gets that defensive and secretive is if they are hiding something they might be a bit embarrassed about or not yet ready to reveal. (By the way, may I pick your male brain a moment….so a guy who loves music -LIVES music- has a girl listen to a song that he admits is very important to him (on first date). Looks girl in eye and says that he’s really looking for someone he can dedicate that song to…. that’s pretty blatent, right? I’m not misreading anything?) Ok, back to my review.

Lindsey worrying about Trevor’s feelings over the stew…so much like me.

Just love the conceal spell. VERY VERY clever. That guy is creepy and more creepy that he’s looking for them. It seemed that Trevor was upset by that. I hope he doesn’t stay that way for long.

So, again, I apologize for trying to leave a review last night when I was in no conidition to do so. I liked this chapter, a lot. I am really looking forward to finiding out more about that companion fruit and the scary guy looking for them.

Take care, Kyle. Sounds like your weekend is busy again, hope it goes well.